Then Make Grape Juice
by Dramatic Insanity
Summary: When life gives you lemons, make grape juice then sit back and watch the world wonder how you did it. Lemongrab would not allow an unacceptable pretender to rule the candy kingdom, not that he cared! At all! He decided to enlist the help of Finn and Jake but he met an unexpected ally that may change the cards. What will happen when a high-strung earl allies with a volatile queen?


**Author's Note**

/!\ CRACK PAIRING AHEAD (don't hurt me) /!\

Don't like it, don't read it.

Obviously, it's likely to be a bit OOC on principle, because it's Lemongrab (3) x Marceline (Marcemon? Lemonline?) However, it's serious business. This is NOT a senseless crack story making fun of the characters or presenting distasteful acts as humorous. I adore and respect these characters as they are in the show. I do not in any way intend for this to present Lemongrab as a good guy, like Finn or Jake.. I know he has less than desirable traits. This story is merely a product of my imagination and wishful thinking. I will try to keep him as IC as possible, to an extent - allowing for creative improvisation because of ROMAAAANCE

 **End of Note**

* * *

The Earl of Lemongrab stared listlessly into the bowl of small lemons. He huffed slightly. These lemons would not fill the void, he thought. Flashes of memories kept him awake at night, of the Lemongrab that had become fat and the Lemonfriend. They made his stomach queasy. He should not allow such infringement upon his dreams and thoughts to continue, but he was at a loss as to what he could do about the problem.

Was he both of them or neither of them? Perhaps he was merely the original lemongrab again. What a poor blob he was. He pressed his hand to the cold bowl and flipped it over, the tiny lemons flying across the table.

"Unacceptable!" He yelled to himself and the lemon citizens jumped. By now, they should not be so surprised, but at times he still yelled with no apparent reason. They did not know their ruler was in such inner turmoil. As such, they became frightened of what he might do to them. They begin to quiver as the Earl shot to his feet and began to pace. He cradled his elbow in one hand and tapped the side of his yellow cheek with a finger.

He wanted to know who he was, to find a greater purpose then staring at the lemon-y walls and commanding lemon people. That adven- ah, excursion he took where Finn-human-thing had appeared had started to awaken something in him that he could not identify, before it was over as suddenly as he begun.

He thirsted for more. He pretended and told himself he was not interested in the temptations of the world, no matter how they called to him in the night. He told himself all was fine, day after day in this place. He felt a disturbance in the comfortable, familiar style that he lived. Usually they came from external forces attempting to sabotage him, or drive him to brink of total madness.

At least, he convinced himself nary a thing was his fault- he was simply made the way he was made. But, in this instance, he recognized his consistent uneasiness these days originated deep within, driving him toward something outside of his lemon ways and his lemon flesh. He could not explain it, if anyone asked what troubled him.

Then, a messenger from the candy kingdom appeared. It was a surprise, but they were apparently desperate. He felt enraged knowing that a false king had somehow become the ruler. However, it was apparent they were much too ashamed to go to Princess Bubblegum after the way they had acted. Lemongrab clenched his fist and closed his eyes.

"This unacceptable state of affairs cannot be allowed to continue," he breathed harshly,"I shall put an end to it, now!" He extended out the end of the last word to emphasize his point, barely noticing the candy person cowering before him. He felt a strange jolt at the sight but ignored it. He did not recognize the feeling, but he was not concerned at that point in time. There were more important things to tend to. He had to do his duty to the one who made him and protect the land, and most importantly his home, from this fallacy.

It was time to sneak into the Candy Kingdom!

He thumbed through the files, humming in the quiet. BMO was staring at him intently, but he ignored the insignificant whatever it was. Sneaking into the castle had been surprisingly easy, as the night guard had pretended not to see him.

Affairs within must be worse off than he thought. He looked up sharply at the sound of a mug hitting the floor, spilling an unidentifiable liquid. The hero team had just returned from an adventure of some sort. He pushed down the pang of jealousy. That lifestyle was not for him, he had no idea how to go about such jaunts. He could get hurt or killed! Did one not have to be brave and willing to sacrifice? He tapped his foot and remembered the spill.

"Clean it up!" He cried out of habit, pointing urgently at the mess. Finn stared at him blankly, unimpressed.

"What the flip man?"

"I have come for help! The false king has taken over the throne of-"

"We know," Jake chimed in.

"Mmmm then why are you standing around here?"

"Uh, we kind of swore our loyalty to the kingdom, there isn't much we can do until PB figures out a way around it," Finn explained. He scowled at Lemongrab's rudeness, though he was used to it.

"I know how we can-" Lemongrab's voice was climbing in pitch due to his excitement to tell them about his findings, when he was abruptly cut off.

"Yo, want to go prank that King of Ooo or some junk?"

His hearing receptors were ringing. That voice was unlike any other he had heard before. He turned to allow his eyes to soak in the vision of what held the voice. He could not breathe, for floating there was a most interesting creature.

His reaction to the strange unidentifiable feelings was to scream, then run away in terror to hide in the bathroom.

Marceline stared at the empty spot, then her eyes slowly moved up to Finn with a questioning gaze. He just shrugged.

"Your friend shy?" She smiled slightly, amused. She generally made guys squirm, though usually not in any good way. That was how she liked it, but it would be nice for it to be different sometimes.

"Not usually, no," said Finn at the same time Jake added, "Definitely not a word I would use to describe Lemongrab."

"Lemongrab huh?"

"Earl of. PB made him," Finn replied, as if that explained everything. Marceline nodded. She floated over and looked through the files that Lemongrab had left behind.

"This changes everything," she said quietly to no one in particular.

"What does it-" Finn reached for the files.

"No!" Marceline moved away from him. "You can't see these."

She left quickly, taking them with her. Finn went and knocked on the bathroom door, telling him she was gone. He walked out, not looking at either of them. He screeched when he noticed the files were gone.

"Don't worry, I think she gets your deal."

"I must go and speak to her- hmm what is her name? Where does she live!?" He scratched at his head, where he would be pulling out his hair if he had any.

"Calm down!" Finn proceeded to explain where Marceline the Vampire Queen could be found. Satisfied, he nodded at them. He felt that he had a bit of an understanding with Finn after the incident at the Mountain, but he was not certain. Some part of him wondered what it would be like to not be so alone in his lemon feelings, to be able to share camaraderie, at the very least, with someone. Well, aside from a clone of himself, but he did not have that luxury, only disjointed memories of such a strange occurrence.

"If you don't hear from me soon then it means I am dead! Human! I must ask you one question!"

"Sure."

"Mmmm, what flowers would Marceline like?" The name tasted like a spicy bitter flavor on his tongue, which was good to him. He licked his teeth.

Finn and Jake looked at each other for a moment, baffled by the oddity of the question. It seemed he intended to get her flowers, but for what purpose? Maybe to win her over to have her alliance in whatever he was planning to do about the situation in the Candy Kingdom. Still, it was bizarre for Lemongrab to do anything for someone, even if it served himself indirectly.

"Uh, the red kind I guess," the human replied.

* * *

A/N - TO BE CONTINUED... Thank you for reading! Feedback would be much appreciated. I've never attempted to write any characters from Adventure Time, and my understanding of them and the world may not be up to par.


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